I have read of many people who reacted with disbelief and even anger when they discovered they had cancer.  While I would describe my reaction as shock, I certainly didn’t feel angry, rail against God and demand to know ‘Why me?’ as I’ve heard people ask.  But I do understand that everyone can have very varied reactions.

My reaction quickly became ‘Why not me?’  Who am I that I should be exempt from this disease that so many people find themselves with.  Just because I exercise, live a healthy life and don’t smoke, doesn’t mean I automatically get put on cancer’s ‘Do Not Touch’ list.

I think what I find more confusing is people who don’t ever acknowledge God, or believe in   any god, yet they very quickly blame Him for ‘giving them’ cancer, or ‘allowing’ it to happen to them or loved ones.  I just see things from a very different perspective.

Now God has been an important part of my life since I was in my late teens.  Yes, I grew up going to Sunday School and church and all that.  But a point came when I had to decide if it really meant anything to me, or was just a habit.  Sure it looks like a lot of rules and do’s and don’ts to a lot of people, but they often don’t explore what it really means.  They see ‘church’ as the baddie, telling them what to do and curtailing any chance of fun in life.  They think ‘religion’ and roll their eyes.   Organized religion has had a lot of bad press and has a bad name.  And religion is very different to Christianity.  Most people don’t get that there is a difference.  Religion is often man made rules and rituals.  Christianity is a personal relationship with God.

As a teenager I did stuff I’m not proud of.  But that is history.  I thought church was boring, full of old people who sang hymns (badly), it didn’t have a lot of relevance to life in the seventies.  But a weekend was arranged for the youth in my area and guest speakers were invited.  I walked into our old church with it’s pipe organ, to discover a band at the front.  Electric guitars, drums and there were about 10 huge motorbikes out the front.  Inside were hairy blokes with beards and dressed in leathers.  (Probably a bit like Jesus, but he probably only wore leather sandals and didn’t ride a Harley or a Norton)  As a 16 year old, this was all very new and just a tad interesting.  Church had never been like this before.  There was great (loud) music; one of the guys got up and spoke.  He talked in everyday language about stuff I could relate to – not Holy Ghosts and spirits and dead prophets, but stuff about how to live a good life daily and about what a cool guy Jesus was and how much he loves us.

It all seemed relevant – not something I had considered Church to be up to this point.  It set me on a journey of discovery.  Reading, talking with wise people and opening my heart up and not just analysing it with my head.  That is when I changed and my view changed. I have continued to read, including Old Testament history.  This gives the full picture and has helped my understanding when read in context, not just bits here and there.

Sure I don’t have all the answers or understand it all.  We never will this side of heaven.  I can’t answer all the questions about dinosaurs and creation in seven days, but then God isn’t limited to our human way of thinking.  If a ‘day is like a thousand years’ to Him, then why limit our thinking of creation to seven 24 hour days?

I know what is real to me and the difference it has made in my life.  And for that reason I knew I wasn’t alone as I faced breast cancer, surgery and treatment.  I saw it as an opportunity to encourage others who were facing it too and also for people who expected me to fall in a heap, to see that my strength came from a higher source.

I wasn’t fearful as I faced all this.  I don’t fear death and I think we can learn from every experience we go through, if we are prepared to.

One of my favourite quotes is from a cancer surgeon:

 “Cancer won’t change you, it will amplify the person you already are.”

I really like this, because finding I had cancer has made me look at who I am, how I treat others, how I view life and how I spend my time here on earth.  I don’t just live it for what I can get out of it, or what I can achieve.  To me, this life here on earth is only part of my life.  There is more to come after, and that is the really good bit!  And that will be cancer, sickness and pain free.

In the meantime, I’m making the most of every day.

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