23. In Limbo
Out on the ocean, when the wind drops completely, a yacht is caught without it’s power source. The sails droop and it comes to a standstill. The sailor tries in vain to find any breath of wind to keep moving. Being caught without wind, in certain parts of the world’s oceans, is known colloquially as ‘The Doldrums’.
This described the situation I found myself in now.
I had run out of puff; my driving energy to get through the cancer had come to a standstill and more than two months of nothing happening loomed.
I plodded through the week, going to work, catching up with friends and general daily tasks. I lacked my usual spark and enthusiasm for life. I was in a real slump.
I did my pilates each day, but was feeling restless. I wondered what else I could do.
Just to get out and try to find some motivation, I went to the gym and re-activated my membership. I had suspended it for two months, thinking I wouldn’t be going as I would be having treatment soon. They were just processing the changes that day and assured me they would rush it through and I could come in the next day if I wanted. I forced myself to go the gym three days later. This was just over a month after my surgery. I sat on the exercise bike trying to be enthusiastic about why I was there. I glanced up and saw my trainer walk out of the office. She looked up and saw me and almost gasped in surprise. She came over and showed me the piece of paper in her hand.
“I was just going to call you and see how you were going! Look, here is your number! I can’t believe you are here right now!” she said in surprise.
We chatted about my progress (or lack of) and then she suggested I make an appointment to come in and she’d set me a light program that I could focus on for the next few weeks.
Something clicked in me after talking with her and I pedaled with more enthusiasm. I left the gym and took the endless stairs to the car park two at a time. When I got home, I bounced in the door with a smile on my face. My husband looked up, probably wondering who this changed woman was in his study. I shared my encounter with my trainer and he was really pleased for me. He’s always been so encouraging and I knew he’d support me and encourage me through these weeks ahead, even if I became discouraged or lacked motivation.
A week later I had a new program that involved some mixed cardio to get my heart rate up, but I would drop this back a bit once I started treatment. I had some light weights and a few core exercises to help strengthen my abdominals. It was good to go 2-3 times a week and focus on getting fitter. My blood pressure had increased due to inactivity and cardio exercise has always been the best way to keep it lower. I was walking 6kms about four times a week, but I was looking for something other than walking and this was ideal.
I emailed my breast care nurse and asked if she had any information or was there a physio therapist I could be put in touch with to ensure my program was OK for me to do so soon after surgery. Every woman who has had breast surgery and lymph nodes removed has the fear of lymphoedema – where the lymphatic system can’t drain effectively and fluid builds up in the arm and or breast and there is no cure for it. Some women suffer with this. Their arm can swell to a huge size and they need to wear a compression garment on it all the time and have regular massage. It is not as prevalent as it once was. Previously a full auxiliary clearance was done and all lymph nodes in the armpit and breast area were removed, but now a sentinel node biopsy is usually done when there is no evidence of abnormal swelling of lymph nodes during an examination or ultrasound. This is usually between 1-5 nodes. I wanted to ensure that the weights that were recommended were not going to cause me any problems.
The next day I received an email from the physiotherapist:
Good to hear you’re keen to get back into exercise-that’s fantastic!
Provided your wound is well healed and you are now almost 6 weeks post surgery it would be OK to increase your cardio and start with light weights. (1kg for upper limbs-you may use what you like for legs on presses etc) each week add 1/4 – 1/2 kg more to upper limbs. The reason for this is to gradually load the arms, not suddenly –don’t want to put intense strain on the lymphatic system.
Re cardio, if you like the bike, a spin class is fine, aerobics/step if you are into that type of thing and unlimited walking on the treadmill/stepper.
Are you usually a runner Pam? If so, you may start light jogging and gradually build up-again it’s about steady build up not suddenly thumping yourself!!
I personally love body balance – if your gym offers that try it-it’s a blend of Tai Chi, yoga and pilates and whilst it is not focussed on cardio or global muscle strengthening, it is great for core muscles and the rhythmic movement of Tai Chi is very consistent with the exercises for assisting lymphatic drainage.
This was wonderful news! I couldn’t wait to tell my friend Belinda whom I used to run with and who I was now walking with twice a week. I waited another week and then one cool afternoon when we were walking along the river trail, I tried a short jog. It felt wonderful! We probably only ran a total of five minutes in our 45 minute walk, but it was a start and I wanted to take it easy and see how my body coped with it. I was aware that there was still a lot of healing going on inside my breast and I didn’t want to push things too far or too fast.
Our son had been planning a trip to Greece with his girlfriend and her family. He came to me around this time and said he thought maybe he shouldn’t go as I still had to go through treatment. I was touched by his thoughtfulness, but assured him as it was radiotherapy, I didn’t expect any real problems and certainly not in the early weeks. Any problems would come towards the end and afterwards and he’d be home by then and I also had a number of friends I could call on to help out if needed. I encouraged him to go and have his holiday and enjoy it. After six years study and already working for over a year, another overseas trip was just what he needed.
Now I had something to focus on and keep me distracted as I waited for the phone call I was expecting soon to start my treatment