11. Surgery Tomorrow
I’ve never slept well before a big event. The nerves before a triathlon or a race always kept me tossing or turning. The excitement of our daughter’s wedding, or a long flight to Ireland when we lived there, or back home to Australia all ensured I would toss and turn and my mind wouldn’t switch off.
The day before I’m due to go to hospital I do everything I can to be relaxed. It’s a miserable cold wet day and I’m glad I have this day at home. My husband is at a seminar for the day in the city, and I think it’s good for him to be out and distracted.
My parents come around early and we walk to the local café and have breakfast. It’s cosy and warm in there and the food smells delicious. We eat eggs and chat and then buy soup for them to take home. They leave and I assure them I will be fine. I spend the day pottering around at home. I make lamb shank broth and pack my bag for hospital. I check three times that I have everything. As I’m only in overnight, I don’t really need much. I have pyjamas, a spare t shirt and warm socks and a toiletry bag. A friend who is involved in pastoral care in our church comes in the afternoon. It’s lovely to see her. She has recently had a lot of health issues herself and she shares what she has learnt from her journey. She was a neighbour for over 30 years and I respect her wisdom a lot. She adds to my sense of calm and I realise I am not facing this surgery alone. I enjoy being home by myself on such a wintry day and find the relaxed pace of the day soothing.
I enjoy a big bowl of lamb shank soup with my husband when he comes home and enjoy listening to him talk about his day and the inspiration he received from the seminar. We watch some television to distract ourselves. I’m not feeling nervous or worried.
Before going to bed that night I shower, drink ‘sleep well’ tea and do qi gong – everything I can think of to help me relax. Qi gong is a practice to cultivate and balance qi (chi) or “life energy”. It is slow repetition of fluid movements, which gives a calm state of mind, and can involve the visualisation of guiding qi through the body. It is a bit like tai chi. I attended a seminar for a weekend in Dublin and find it calms me and relaxes me. I sleep for a few hours and then wake at 4am and again at 5am and know I won’t go back to sleep again. Today is the day I hope my cancer will be gone.