5. Telling The Wider Circle
I went to work the next day after being diagnosed with cancer, and people couldn’t believe I did. But why wouldn’t I? I found it helpful to be as normal as possible. Telling the girls at work was hard. Only two knew of the recall. I’m sure my face revealed there was something wrong. The younger ones I told first were lovely and very caring. Which is good as they are counsellors! It was good to be distracted at work and not have too much time to dwell on myself. Luckily we weren’t too busy with clients that day. Fridays were good for end of the week tasks.
Just before lunch I started to feel strange. I was edgy and I think the realisation that I had cancer was hitting me. I went out to get lunch and it dawned on me that rescue drops were what I needed to help me calm down. I went to the chemist and bought some. I was shaking by the time I got back and I was really in shock. I had experienced the same feeling when our son fell into a lake and disappeared right under the water when he was 18 months old. The rescue drops helped me and I got through the rest of the day.
I had a phone call that afternoon from the doctors rooms saying that the hospital would be in touch with me and they would advise me when I had an appointment. With Easter a week away, I hoped it would be soon.
Our daughter in the USA emailed and said she’d had a lousy day and didn’t feel like cooking dinner. They were going to have hamburgers and ‘G&T’s. I thought that sounded like a great idea. After work that night my husband, son, his girlfriend and I went out for hamburgers too. It was good to be with family.
I started thinking of who I should tell. Extended family were the next to call and inform. Then there were friends to let know. I sent many emails. I rang our Pastor and let him know. The more people I had praying for me the better. I replied to text messages and answered phone calls as the news spread. It was at a time like this I realized just how many friends I had and that was a comfort too. Before going to bed I emailed a few friends overseas. The next morning I received an email back from one saying she thought she was reading one of her own emails. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer in February and was having a mastectomy in early April. It was surreal to think of the time we’d spent together in Ireland and of our friendship, and here we were facing the same diagnosis.
Eventually I got weary of telling people about my cancer. I got sick of talking about me and answering the same questions over and over. Many questions I couldn’t answer yet, but I did value their care and concern. We took some time out from people, the phone and thinking about breast cancer, though it was always there, lurking in the background.